Whether you are aware of it or not, it is possible that being exposed to fairy tales when you were a child is influencing your current relationships and dating life.
There are standards, and then there are expectations.
I met up with a friend this week and we tossed around ideas about the value of fairy tales. Are fairy tales something to aspire to? Are they something to fight for? Is it childish? One might wonder, when they are dissatisfied with their life if they have somehow failed, if a fairy tale is the comparison. Perhaps, it is just better to accept that most of life is mundane.
Personally, I think that it can be healthy to be aspirational to a degree. The danger is when you expect perfection from people. There is also danger in expecting that nothing can ever be perfect. I think that if two people come together with intentions to be playfully aspirational in their marriage, but never expect perfection from each other, that marriage has high potential for success.
Why? Because these two people are deciding to be idealistic realists, accepting that neither of them will ever be perfect. What would be possible if two people came together with a realistic fairy tale in mind? What if two people decided that they wanted to live a blissful, peaceful life, detached from the chaos of this world? Entering into a relationship under this understanding is powerful, if you believe that you can create an inner world between two people that is imperfect, but decidedly blissful by the intention of both.
I believe that it is not idealistic to set intentions to meet good people. I believe it is healthy to dream of your ideal life for a bit each day. Entertain yourself. Consider a few unrealistic scenarios of positive experiences with loving intentions and then come back to Earth.
To be fair, depending on the perspective you take, fairy tales either have the potential to foster self-esteem or do the opposite. It depends on how you interpret the message. There is often a choice to level up that an unlikely character faces, and then their goal manifests. The message is most powerful as a metaphor, as most young women will not marry a prince and most young men will not need to go as far as slaying a dragon to marry a beautiful woman. (Although, it’s the thought that counts.)
Everyone experiences adversity at some point. Entertaining a bit of fantasy can actually take you out of those experiences. The lesson is learned. Love is found. Safety is found. Security is found. Justice is served. I believe sometimes you need to keep believing that what you deserve will eventually come to you, and that is some motivation to live for. What people don’t tell you is that accepting adversity 99.9999 percent of the time will never open the door for a way out. Those who believe living a beautiful life is completely possible are most likely to encounter more peaceful experiences and people.
As life goes on, you have a choice to find evidence for beliefs that comfort you, to believe things without evidence, or to simply believe the world is a cold, chaotic place. There is always a choice to create your reality in your mindset.
Just keep entertaining a bit of fantasy. Anything is possible.
“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” – Roald Dahl